My personality is 100% to hold on. I have a terribly difficult time letting go of things. I am after all a classic cancer (for anyone that’s into zodiac signs & their meanings) — cancers live in the “house of feelings” and are uber sensitive, emotional, and hold onto everything. So when I say I get it, that it’s hard to let go — I mean it!
Why this topic is so important to me: when I graduated college I gained a lot of weight & all of sudden this identity I had as someone who a had a thinner body & therefor got all the attention from guys, friends & opportunities…was gone. The reality is, they didn’t like me because I was thin — I just thought they did. And I thought my weight equated to way more than just attention; I also thought it meant worthiness, love, acceptance, value, and the list goes on and on and on.
See I didn’t know any of this THEN, I only know it now, over 10 years later! In the last four years I’ve been on a journey of self-acceptance with not only who I am, but what I look like and what I weigh. And notice I say self-acceptance, not self-love. Because I think the first step, and the most important step is acceptance, not love. Love comes with time. Show yourself some compassion and give yourself some grace for not getting there overnight. It doesn’t work like that.
In the last few years I’ve let go of that smaller body. That body I put on a pedestal. I’ve accepted who I am now — WHO I am, not just what I look like, and because I accept, like & celebrate myself, that acceptance and appreciation for my body follows suit.
One of the main things I hear from my community & clients is that they want to their body back. They want to weigh what they used to — in high school, college, when they got married. Ok…but 1) that was a long time ago & you’re a totally different person now with a totally different life and 2) what did it take to get there/stay there…were you actually content, was it sustainable!?
There’s been a few times in my life where I’ve thought my body was truly “rockin”, but I was also severely under-eating, over-exercising, obsessed with food, and overwhelmed by the standard I was trying to keep up with. I was constantly in fear of gaining weight, and overly-conscious of what other people thought of me. We truly forget these undesirable circumstances when we’re trying to get back to that “ideal weight”.
I want to help you break free. I want to support you in letting go. I want you to live in the now & the present and stop comparing yourself to what you used to look like, weigh, or think you should look or weigh.
If you can do this — if you can let GO you can move on. You can create so much space in your life for everything else that is so much more important. At the end of the day what do you want to be remembered for (yes, I’m going there) — that you were 10 pounds less? That you were really good at restricting your food? That you never missed a workout? HUH!? It’s time to shift our priorities. Good news, it’s possible, and I’m here to help!
1. Change your standard & crowd in a new perspective
It’s totally unrealistic to expect to weigh what you did 3, 5, 10, 15 years ago. You maybe weren’t even a fully-developed women yet, your hormones were different, your lifestyle was different, YOU were different. Maybe you’ve had kids, went to grad school, dealt with trauma or health issues, moved, switched your diet, changed your priorities — any and all of it. You’ve been through things. Our bodies change, grow & evolve with time. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. In fact, it’s really incredible.
Stop right now and make a list. Write down all the things you’ve accomplished since that time in your life with the “ideal” weight. Don’t judge, just write. Small & big things. Pour it out of you. Now take that in. Would you give up all that just to go back? Even the crappy not-so-easy stuff — cause I know you’ve learned a lot from that.
It’s really hard to let go, but instead of looking at is as something you’re letting go of, what if it was all the things you’ve added to your life instead? Experiences, lessons, accomplishments. Letting go is a true perspective shift. But it doesn’t have to be emotional and negative, it can be positive, if you let it be.
2. Cleanse & create a boundary
Do you sometimes feel like you’re living on the defense? Super worried about what other people are thinking of you, especially when it comes to weight gain? I get it and I’ve totally been there. It took me some time to work through this one. But here’s what I can say — if you no longer judge yourself, you won’t fear judgement from others. One of the best ways to start accepting where we’re currently at is to stop focusing so much on other people’s bodies. I know what it’s like to wish you looked like a friend, or someone on instagram, or a celebrity. The comparison is so so real. But one of the best things you can do, is create a boundary and keep your eyes on your own plate, body, weight, and really, life.
Ok but how? Let’s control what we CAN control. For example, social media; you hold the power to unfollow anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Who makes you judge yourself, who you compare to, who makes you feel less-than. And the beauty is, they never have to know you unfollow them! It’s an important step to take to keep the information & content you’re taking in (up to several hours a day) as uplifting and positive as possible.
Friends: this one is not so easy to control of course. But what I want you to know is that people can be struggling behind closed doors. We ALL have our insecurities and anxieties about our bodies. Your friends may be dealing with this too. Make the conscious shift to celebrating your friends and admire them for who they ARE not what they look like or weigh, and I’m willing to be your comparison will therefor shift, and the way you perceive yourself will too.
Build yourself up; meaning create a boundary with yourself. Start getting real aware of the thoughts and things you tell yourself all day everyday. You hold the power to catch these things, evaluate if you REALLY believe them, and give yourself something else to think. There is so much power in this, because before you’re aware, those negative thoughts are running on auto-pilot, knocking you down and making you feel bad about yourself. We’re so pre-programed to do this, but like I said you’re in control of changing things. Start by giving yourself something else to think. What do you like about yourself? What can you celebrate yourself for? What are you proud of? The more you give your mind a different direction to focus, the less and less the negative thoughts will take up all the space and you have a chance at self-acceptance.
3. Ditch the scales & tracking
One of the best ways to keep yourself stuck in the past is to become overly concerned with the minutia of what you weigh and how much you’re eating. Restriction not only makes you crazy, but it wrecks your body — affecting our metabolism, energy, mood, hormones, mentality & so much more. We have to learn how to find worth in something other than what we weigh and how much we’re eating. Like I’ve already touched on — inner-worth here is key. Focusing on that as much as possible will change your life.
Stepping on the scale everyday is a reminder of what you weigh (obviously!) and it’s a brutal, abrupt way of reminding you how much weight you’ve gained, or how much weight you haven’t lost, or what you should be or shouldn’t be, and the list goes on and on and on. Stressful, right? What if we simply removed this habit? Crazy idea right? Take it from me, weighing yourself is truly freedom. It gives you the chance to accept yourself, and is an essential step forward to let go.
Same goes for not tracking your food. I am all for creating a mindful and conscious relationship with what you’re eating — but of course I see that we’re (and I used to be!) WAYYY too obsessive. You are far more than a calorie or macro count, and you need to give yourself the freedom to let go and create a healthy relationship with food and your body. Tracking and the over-concern with how much you’re eating just doesn’t fit into that plan.
I hope this information was helpful. If it was please comment below and let me know.
Need more support? I work 1:1 with women to break free from dieting, make peace with food, and create a life they love free from rules, restriction and obsession. Apply for a free discovery call with me here to learn more and meet me!